I took a train ride this week, up to Seattle and back the very next day, whoosh! What fun.
Except I think my brain is still in train-travel mode. It feels like this: everything is quiet, but there are hushed murmurs of conversation all around you in the car. And you’re rocking back and forth in the train car as you move along, forward but not too fast. Maybe you’re speeding up, or slowing down a little as you approach something.
It’s a little like entering a meditative trance, for me.
I spent a lot of time gazing out the window and having quiet, floaty thoughts that didn’t settle, didn’t need to settle.
It was a kind of wishing, thinking, floating haze of thought. And occasionally I would take a break from the wishing haze and have a wee nap. (I love train travel, oh yes I do.)
So here are my two swaying, traveling, floating, hazey Friday wishes that have bubbled up from the train-ride trance.
Thing One: Between Places
I feel like I’m at a fork in the road.
But is it really a fork? Maybe it’s not the fork of destiny; it could be the spoon of possibility masquerading as a fork in the road. You never know.
In any case, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to know about where to go next. Am I supposed to explore this new job opportunity that appeared? Am I supposed to move to a new place to make it happen?
It’s like this:
[Where I am] —-> [Where I am supposed to be next]
What is the passage between the two?
This is about . . . a lot of things. Where I spend my time each day. How I support myself. Where I find creative space. How I connect with people. Where I live. All of those things.
I am open to: secret passages. Secret light trail transit plans! I’m open to being completely and totally surprised by the solution or the passage between where I am and where I’m supposed to be next.
My commitment: to spend more time thinking about what happens if I stay where I am, in case the secret destination is actually not that far away. To be playful and exploratory when opportunities come up, in case they turn into passages that lead me in the right direction. To spend more time with the feelings of sadness that come up when I think what if things stay the same.
Thing Two: Another Rally!
Oh Rally. I want to go back! And yet…
The road seems blocked.
There are logistical issues to be cleared up, sure. But there are also some insecure monsters that need gentle coaxing and perhaps a freshly-baked tray of Muffins of All Rightness. How can I make this work?
I am willing to: wish and dream about this some more, because Rallying is awesome and I do want to go back, very badly. And sitting with that wishing, dreaming, wouldn’t-it-be-awesome-ing frame of mind is also fun. I’m also willing to sit with the monsters and figure out what else might be hiding there. I’m also willing to keep an eye out for unlikely windfalls that might open secret doors to get there (but probably not on a Stowawayship, because I very firmly believe that a non-repeat Rallyer needs to get that opportunity!).
Floaty wishes are…floating
These don’t feel quite like Very Personal Ads, even though they are the same basic idea. I want to give them lots and lots more time to gestate and work out the kinks and change as needed. It’s nice to sit in the space of wanting a thing without any pressure whatsoever to go and get it if I don’t want to. Maybe that should have been a commitment for both: to feel no obligation. To let the wishes float in and float back out, if they want to.
So, off they float! And off I float, to my three-day weekend. In that spirit, I hope you are getting exactly as much rest as you need, and if not, that you find ways to seek it out and let it help you.