Translating the Stuckitude, a.k.a. Exiting the Really Annoying Cafe

Okay blog, don’t fail me now! I am mired in a big, sticky puddle of stuck and I’m here to figure my way out of it.



Okay, here is the actual sucky stuff going on right now:

  1. Project overwhelm! A million things needing to be done. No clear direction on any of them.
  2. Candy in the hall. The giant bowl of M&Ms is taunting me. I keep thinking it will fuel productivity and guess what? It doesn’t. Not in any way.
  3. Pecked to death by tiny chickens. One particular project is asking for way more work than it’s worth; another couple things keep popping up and interrupting what little flow I can establish; it’s death by a thousand cuts right now.

But on any given day, these might not be a big deal. It’s just that they’ve morphed from suckful into Stuckful.

Stuckitude, a.k.a. the Really Annoying Cafe

There are so many monsters crowding each other for room in my head RIGHT NOW. It’s like a giant cafe where everyone is unhappy and yet won’t really say that, they just sit around and act bored and annoyed and judgey and won’t ever, ever leave.

Annoyed Monster: You are soooo predictable for eating those M&Ms.

Panic Posing as Realism Monster: You’re not going to be able to do it all. It’s gonna be avalanche city!

Petulant Monster: Why are we even in this dumb cafe? and why wasn’t the stupid latte place open this morning when I needed it? I really wanted that stupid latte except they were stupid closed in the stupid cold rain this morning. Stupid.

Smug Monster: You know, I bet you’d be a lot happier if you gave up lattes and caffeine in general. That’s probably why you’re in such a crabby mood.

Deathstare Monster: I dare you to say that again. I am not crabby! I refuse to admit I am crabby! But I will say that you are making my crabby by even making the suggestion that I’m crabby!

Why is this so hard?

Hint: It’s not about the monsters. Well, not the way they’d have you think.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from the magical miss Havi (especially today, hello timing!), it’s that the monsters are very important, but they’re usually hiding something. Coded messages. They’re trying to distract me from the real stuff.

Let’s translate!

Annoyed Monster is actually sad, not annoyed. Sad that we have to AGAIN go through that mental loop about It’s Okay To Eat Sugar and Let’s Not Beat Ourselves Up About It and Why Is This Still So Hard To Deal With and all kinds of attendant food and body and mind related stucknesses and patterns. But it’s easier to feel annoyed (especially coming down from a sugar rush!) than to focus on the sad that’s hiding beneath.

Panic Posing as Realism Monster is desperately trying to take charge because she thinks adrenaline is the only real way to power through what we have to do. And pretending that desperation is “realism” is a really sneaky way of undermining myself; it’s a way to focus on old patterns of Not Good Enough.

Petulant Monster is really just sad, like Annoyed Monster, but she has a firm belief that Self-care is only possible in emergency situations, when things are really, really bad. So she’s attempting to ramp up the drama so that I’ll take care of her.

Smug Monster is secretly not very happy. She’s sneakily hoping I will focus on comparing myself to the fictional Perfect Yoga Being and feel crappy in comparison. She’s sneakily hoping I will forget that the whole point of living with Yoga is meeting yourself where you are, too.

Deathstare Monster is really, really crabby, yes, but also secretly sad. Because it’s kind of painful to suddenly gain self-awareness about your own crabbiness. But Deathstare would also rather I just listen to the monsters and not try to figure them out. Because figuring out the monsters means I get to stop mentally punching the walls and then I might feel good instead of bad! Okay, that one’s a little convoluted but basically this is the big, hairy bouncer monster who would rather I not leave the Really Annoying Cafe at all, ever. Because life is pain! (Deathstare Monster has led a really hard life.)

Well, too bad, because I’m closing down the Really Annoying Cafe for the day.

Because really, everyone who’s in here could use a really good nap, maybe with a good novel and a cat and extra soft blankets. But I have two particular prescriptions for two of the monsters:

1. Monkey bar time! I’m sending Panic Posing as Realism Monster to the Existential Playground. Rather than focus on the Not Good Enough patterns, we’re going to monkey around with the brain furniture by seeing what it’s like to complete these projects under the flag of Radical Self Awesomeness (ooh, I think I need to draw that flag). And while she’s at the playground I think I’m going to experiment with working on Only One Project (even though that drives her crazy! too many things! work on them all at once or risk catastrophic failure!) to find out what happens.

2. Spa time! I’m sending Petulant Monster to the Compassion Spa (along with any other monsters who might want to tag along just to get a touch-up on their pedicures) because clearly she/we need some quality love and attention and compassion. Spa time is going to include fluffy socks and really excellent soup in the waiting room, and lovely music.

So that’s it! Sorry, Monsters. The Really Annoying Cafe is closing down for the day and I invite you each (lovingly, acceptingly, nonobligatoryingly) to the fabulous Compassion Spa and Nap Annex down the street, which just so happens to be next to the Existential Playground. Won’t you join me?


About jesse k.

Writer. Mama. Spy in the house of self-awareness. Occasional crafter, letterpress geek, and academic snob.
This entry was posted in Blah Into A-ha, Sovreign Symbols, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Translating the Stuckitude, a.k.a. Exiting the Really Annoying Cafe

  1. Reba says:


    I loved this post – naming your monsters had me both chuckling and nodding my head in agreement. Panic posing as realism monster – yup, I know that one well, even though I hadn’t known its name up until now!

    Celebrating your monster re-direction tactics, the spirits of play & inquisitiveness, and my own happiness at being here 🙂

    Reba x

    • jesse k. says:

      Thanks Reba! Sometimes it takes a particularly loud day with my monsters before I can identify them and figure out what they really mean. Thanks for celebrating along with me!


  2. Willie Hewes says:

    Excellent tending and care of the monsters here. The Really Annoying Cafe sounds like a place that should actually exist, just so you can walk around the block it’s in and encounter an unexpected neighbourhood cat.

    I recognise this Perfect Yoga Being, too. Is it OK if I write about her sometime (and reference you, of course)?

    • jesse k. says:

      Hi Willie!
      I love the idea of the unexpected neighborhood cat just around the corner.

      I’m happy to know I’m not the only person with a smug yoga being who likes to occasionally oppress me 🙂 You are certainly welcome to write about it and reference me!


  3. Claire P says:

    Golly I like you, Jesse!

    My Seed House is bursting with blooms of hilarity and wisdom. Usually combined in one gorgeous freaky chimera of power and goodness.

    This is just a quick note to basically tell you how happy I am to have found your blog.

    • jesse k. says:

      Aw Claire, you’re making me blush! I think “gorgeous freaky chimera of power and goodness” should be my mantra or something. It’s fun to say AND it gives me happy smiles!

      I’m so glad you found my blog too 🙂

  4. Pingback: Interview with Sabotaged Me | my seed house

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s