Friday check-in: Indiana Jesse & the Temple of Not Much Doom, Actually

This is one of those rare Fridays when I think Friday, I love you! and thank cod for Friday! and other things like yes, finally! except with a few profanities I’ll leave to your imagination.

This week did not go fast. It did not explode. It did not collapse. All three of these qualities are surprising to me right now.

So let’s talk about the Hard, the Good, and the Weirdly Experimental.

The Hard!

I faced my second-worst fear. I didn’t have a choice. It came to me.

And…wow. I didn’t feel triumphant about it, I felt kind of destroyed, but not in the kind of way that might wreck the day and the year, as it once might have. Instead I just thought and thought and thought and thought and thought about it. Not in a running-in-circles way, just in a This Is Big And Deserves Lots Of Attention way.

Still tiring and still scary, though.

I’m moving through a great big pattern of stuck. It’s related to the second-worst fear, but still kind of its own thing entirely. (I have Things to say about this particular thing, and the related epiphanies attached to it, but that will come on Monday, promise.)

The Good!

No disasters! Not at work, where I could have collapsed into a pile of nervous breakdown mush after the scary conversation with my boss…but I didn’t; and not at home either, where I could have collapsed into a pile of nervous breakdown mush because my spouse is out of town and I’m the only one taking care of the baby all night long…but I didn’t. Nice!

I did some thoughtful thinking-through about Hard Walls and Soft Walls which was really helpful for the process of de-escalating the potential nervous breakdown stuff.

I did get a lot done at work, even though some of it was fueled by fear and adrenaline following the scary conversation; but I’ve been mucking along with mediocre results for too long and it felt SO GOOD to just get stuff done, finally. Instead of the bitter inside the sweet, getting stuff done was my sweet inside the bitter, this week.

Return to Shiva Nata! It’s been too long! Like a week and a half! I’m easing back into it. Getting excited about the need to delve a little deeper.

The Weirdly Experimental

Okay, first off: I don’t have a business. Right? Nor do I have a product to sell.

And yet: I am infinitely intrigued by all these cool folks out there who cater to people who do. And sometimes I get a little carried away.

Case in point: I was so intrigued by Ashley Sinclair and Natalie Peluso’s Action Studio promo (really, go check out their amazingly cool video!) that I signed up for it and started working through some of the free content. Even though it’s for people who have a business and I don’t have one.

(I know, weird.)

I don’t even have an idea for one.

Okay, maybe that’s not true. I have all kinds of wild half-formed ideas. Or perhaps they’re better termed projects. Trailheads. Kernels. Seeds I could sow, with time.

I guess I was hoping that the Action Studio thing would help me think about these secret little projects, or the pattern behind them, or a reason to develop them. And it has! Well, sort of.

It’s just been…quieter than I was hoping. Not a cure-all but one hint at a remedy. Not the big blowout fireworks display but one steady candle.

So that was cool, and I want to keep experimenting in this direction. It’s kind of like pretending to have something I don’t have, just to see if it feels right. It makes me a little nervous even to share about it at all, but part of the experiment is being okay with transparency, so that’s okay. (Shhh, that’s what I’m telling the monsters, anyway.)

What a week. (Said with relief.) What a week! (Said with joy!)

Both sides of that statement are true. (Boy, did I ever get what I asked for when I acknowledged all the transitional stuff going on in my last Very Personal Ad!)

Much love to you, wherever your Friday has brought or will bring you, and lots of autumnal kisses from Portland, where the trees are turning and we’re getting a bit of sunshine before the predicted rain. Xo.


About jesse k.

Writer. Mama. Spy in the house of self-awareness. Occasional crafter, letterpress geek, and academic snob.
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3 Responses to Friday check-in: Indiana Jesse & the Temple of Not Much Doom, Actually

  1. Cyn says:

    you. are. awesome. I feel like i’ve had such an adventure with you this week. thank you for taking me along for the ride. i can’t wait to see where we are going!!!

  2. jesse k. says:

    Aw shucks, thanks Cyn! This week has been quite an adventure. So much to learn and to ponder. Definitely stuff I am excited about because even if I don’t have much time to develop it right now, I know we have the secret rally coming up, and then perhaps the Great Ducking Out as well (moving more and more in this direction). It’s so helpful to know there are guaranteed little oases of calm up ahead, amidst all this transition and pondering and confusion.

  3. Pingback: Very Personal Ad No. 13: Learning my lessons | my seed house

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