Very Personal Ad No. 10: Asking is hard

Hooray for Sunday morning! Sunday morning is lovely because Saturday night was a hellish ordeal of crying sleepless baby at 2 am with a cold it’s time to write my Very Personal Ad for the week!

1. Carefulness

What I want: to be very, very careful with my spine

Last Thursday I got a cortisone injection in my back; if my previous injection is any guide, I have approximately two weeks of near-total pain relief ahead of me. Yay! Except: last time, I didn’t pay much attention, and when the two weeks were up I had an intense pain flare because my nerve had been further damaged while it was numbed up. Boo.

So this time, I want to be careful. No spasms. No pain flares. Well, at least that’s the goal.

How this could work:

Posture, posture, posture!

I could continue to find new ways to lift and carry and manage my almost-1 year old without stressing my lower back. Surely this is possible?

I could do my special exercises and stretches even more, like three or four times a day. Or even more. Whoa.

Be the weirdo in Yoga class who continues to never do forward bends.

Many, many breaks during the day for gentle corrective back bends.

Posture!

My commitments:

To acknowledge the fact that some nerve damage is probably inevitable. It’s probably already happened. I can’t prevent it all.

To mourn as necessary.

To listen to the very, very quiet signals I get from my numbed-up nerve. They are even more important now.

To review my pain flare plan, so I’m ready in case things don’t go my way.

To remember that this injection might be totally different from the last one.

To make good posture easy: a bolster for the car, for my office chair.

To think more about how posture ties in with all the good work I did recently on balance.

2. Stuff.

What I want: some kind of understanding about all the stuff.

I have a trip coming up soon. It requires some stuff to be bought — I think. It’s too confusing. Is the stuff a distraction? Why do I need the stuff? What is the money connection? What is the connection to that other phone call I don’t want to make? And if I do need the stuff, where is it coming from, and when?

Ways this could work:

Ugh. Why the stuck? The stuck wants to be worked with. All of its pieces. The stuff, the owning, the getting, the affording, the wondering, the stucknessing.

I could write dialogues about it.

I could figure out if/how this connects to the third chakra stuff that’s been going on.

I could bring this into Shiva Nata.

I could be okay with the fact that it might not make sense, or not on my timescale.

My commitments:

To actually think about this. Because clearly it’s big. To let it be big.

To think about it but not let it take over the whole week like that one time the Shopping Monster came to visit. (Ooh…maybe I need to think about why the Shopping Monster might be connected to this whole stuckness.)

To use my time wisely, in general. The trip is coming soon, so I don’t have infinite time.

.

That’s it! Two things for this week and that’s about it. Nothing really huge, but nothing tiny, either. Things that bring peace and bodily comfort. I’m noticing that I have a lot of resistance to this today, I wonder why? It bears more exploration I suppose. More to come!

Happy Sunday to you!

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About jesse k.

Writer. Mama. Spy in the house of self-awareness. Occasional crafter, letterpress geek, and academic snob.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized, Very Personal Ads. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Very Personal Ad No. 10: Asking is hard

  1. Pingback: Traveling with Monsters, Boston edition | my seed house

  2. Pingback: Very Personal Ad No. 11: The readiness is all | my seed house

  3. Pingback: Saying hi to the secret thought | my seed house

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