The Balance Expedition: coming home

This week was all about exploring Balance: what it means, how to get more of it, where the resistance is, what it looks like. I wrote about Part One of it earlier this week, but this is the Part Two where I try to sum up what I’ve learned. Onward to the lessons!

Lesson One: Like duh, so obvious

I realized that my week of the Balance Expedition was really a mini Rally. Yay, Rally!

Except it was a stealth Rally: I did it at work! While getting regular work-stuff done. And normally a 5-day Rally would be pretty intense (and it was intense, don’t get me wrong), except with all the regular work stuff interspersed it was totally possible to Rally at work. Woo!

When I started out, I thought I was just going to journal a lot about Balance when I got bored, maybe use it as my focus word during Yoga. Y’know, little stuff.

Except when I got started, I really craved a good start with Shiva Nata. And then I really wanted to use tools to prompt free-writing and unexpected inspiration. And then all the Rally-esque things just fell into place.

How my mini-Rally worked:

  1. Preparation. The weekend before, I read Havi’s amazing Processing the Process e-book. (I think you have to attend a Rally to get one. Trust me, it’s worth it. Both the Rally and the book!) I didn’t know how important the book would be — it gave me a TON of clues, techniques, and wisdom. All that good Fluent Self goodness, yum.
  2. Intention. I wrote my Sunday Very Personal Ad all about the thing that I wanted to explore, and what it was going to be like.
  3. Tools! One cool thing about the Rally was this neat set of cards we could draw from, for unexpected inspiration. I made a set of them for myself, full of prompts for writing and for movement. Every day I shuffled them and used some to spur my explorations and ask my brain to think about Balance from a different angle. And they were always useful to re-boot if I got mired in the blahs or confusion.
  4. Rituals in, rituals out. Yeah, yeah, rituals — no, listen. This is important. It was the biggest new thing that I tried. Writing invocations to Balance every morning. Making Shiva Nata really, really hard. Stopping during the day to reconnect with my body and my forcefield (yup). Writing little clues to follow the next day in case I got lost.
  5. Make it different. A Rally demands specialness, separateness from the everyday. Since I couldn’t go to the Playground and disconnect from the internet, I kept it simple: every morning when I did my extra-hard Shiva Nata, I turned off all the lights and let in the natural light. I also turned off my computer monitors and turned all the papers on my desk upside down so I wouldn’t be distracted. It was so helpful — a lovely way to signal to my brain that we were entering a special time.
  6. Shiva Nata. It wouldn’t be a Rally without it! Shiva Nata‘s effects are hard to describe, but suffice to say I wouldn’t have been able to delve so deep and learn so much without it. I started off every day with a particularly hard session — arms flying, aching, legs flailing, brain akimbo, all of it. It was key!

So there you go! Havi is going to create a self-Rally kit soon and I bet it will contain even more goodness, but for now this was a pretty awesome DIY version that worked well for me.

PS: Another cool thing was listening to the live Detective Teleclass on Day Two. Optional, and a total coincidence it happened during my week, but it made things more awesome. Will definitely do this in the future, too. Yes.

Lesson Two: The gentle path

I was convinced that this expedition into Balance Land was going to be: hardcore! Crazy intense flailing towards something difficult! Like, I dunno, the summit of the mountain, the life-changing epiphany, the giant A-HA that changes my life completely!

Except, nope. Not at all.

A flurry of big changes is exactly what I fear; so of course, that’s not where I have been led.

I thought I was going to add a massive dose of fluidity to my life to correct what I thought was a huge imbalanced load of stability and stasis.

But instead I learned more about the gentle path.

Because fluidity is like: stretching. Stretching something that is not stretchy, going too far, going into the realm of pain. Too much, too fast. Scary.

Pain lives there, and Memory. I have to be gentle around them.

What is the scary way to fluidity? To push so far you break.

What is the gentle way to fluidity? To walk up to the gentle edge and push: carefully, safely, gently. And then return to stability and rest, listen, process. And then go back to the gentle edge and push again.

The gentle way is to go where I need to go in a balanced way. With stability to support fluidity and fluidity to support stability.

It’s the only way forward. And it’s so clear to me now.

(And: it’s just like Rallying! Wow.)

Lesson Three: So, now what?

Right. What comes next?

I re-read through my 60-odd pages of journaling and tried to sum up and bullet-point some of the epiphanies and ideas and…it was impossible.

There’s just too much.

I wanted to write about what will change but the answer is everything and nothing. Which is absurd and dumb. But also completely true. I guess that’s part of the gentle path thing, too.

I can tell you this: I did outline what a balanced day might look like. So I have more clues on how to achieve it in my everyday life.

And I thought I was going to learn all about how to heal the dark something (and in fact, it did lighten up to a medium gray!) but instead it sent me off on a treasure hunt to find another thing to explore entirely. Yes, we’re moving on up (to the East siiiide!) to the third chakra, something that I’m still not sure I believe in, but too bad, hush up Logic Brain!, this is the thing that showed up and asked to be explored. So that’s next.

One important side effect of this week: when I healed my Saddest Monster I also designed a plan to heal her dilemma entirely, and it’s within my sight. This is crazy, because I thought it was an absolute pipe dream, and now: totally gonna happen.

That’s the magic of this kind of focused thinking and intentional exploration — other stuff gets fixed, magically. Exactly the kind of side effects Havi is talking about.

But: there’s also some sadness in that side effect stuff. I found it waiting for me when I did my final wrap-up journaling this morning. Here is the sadness, which is also the happy thing at the same time: this one gentle change is going to change everything else, too.

There’s profound joy and hope in that statement as well as profound fear and grief. That change contains more change, and when one thing shifts, lots of other unexpected things will shift, and sometimes that will be amazing and magic, and other times it will be frightening and hard.

It’s okay to hold all those emotions. It’s necessary. The transitions are everywhere and they are sacred, okay? They need the mourning and the celebrating, too. (If you don’t believe me, ask me some time about the failed falafel. Really. Good example of a mundane thing that actually demanded Huge Amounts Of Mourning. But then I think we’ve all had our version of the Failed Falafel, right? It’s that thing that you thought wasn’t a big deal but actually leads to the huge stuck? Yeah. That’s what my Thursday night falafel was.)

.

The check-in rests here

I hope you enjoyed coming along on the balance expedition / mini-Rally with me. I hope you try it some time, if you haven’t — in person is best, but doing it on your own is also powerful and fun. I’m so grateful for the gifts it has given me, and so excited about what I’ve learned. May all the good stuff follow me into the weekend of rest, and let the weekend be exactly what it needs to be.

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About jesse k.

Writer. Mama. Spy in the house of self-awareness. Occasional crafter, letterpress geek, and academic snob.
This entry was posted in Checking in, Rallying, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to The Balance Expedition: coming home

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