It’s Sunday again, time to write my Very Personal Ad and right now I just want to say that I’m feeling so very grateful for this day. For the rain and the sun, sometimes at the same time; for the snuggles and the struggles with a certain small miss; for the bike rides and the car rides; for the purchases; for the tasty lunch and the many tasty meals we’ve planned. This is the kind of gratefulness I’m sitting with today.
There isn’t a whole lot that I want or need right now. Just one really, really big thing….
The Big Thing: A week of balance
I have been feeling less-than-balanced at work. Like I’m trying to get back to systems that have worked for me, but I can’t even tell what’s in the way. It’s just continually not happening. I’m not asking for a week of productivity! Just a week of balance, in which I can continue to think about why things aren’t working well; a week in which I get the necessary things done and can still feel good when I go home at the end of the day.
Ways this could work:
Just thinking about it as balance is helpful. No pressure to make a superstar week appear out of thin air; but I want something other than a week of slug-dom.
I could do extra difficult Shiva Nata in the mornings. Longer. More. Harder. More precise. Bring all kinds of questions to dear Shiva about fluidity and stability and that pesky second chakra.
Keep journaling. Process the process of thinking about balance.
Use the helpful-but-unfinished Worksheet from last week to figure out the important work and non-work things to focus on, and go from there.
Think more about some of the awesome techniques modeled by Havi in her Processing the Process book. What can I use there? Can I talk to the Me who has achieved balance? Do I believe she exists? (Think more about this; LOTS of confusion on this point.)
Bring even more clarity to this question: what do I know about balance? What is it like to journey there?
Talk to balance. What does it need from me?
Another question: what goes away if balance increases? What do I think about that self or reality as it changes?
I don’t know how else this could work. This is the scary part — figuring out balance without knowing what it looks like in advance. All I know is what it should feel like: probably weird at first. But increasingly satisfying, at a measured pace, with room for the unexpected. Yes.
To buy a new journal, for more journaling! I promise I will not run out of pages and stop writing.
To make good plans for lunches so I don’t burn out midday and make unfortunate choices.
To notice how I feel, and not ignore it. Brain twinges and back twinges are equally important clues.
To use a timer if I need to get through sticky tasks and swamps full of monsters. I will not delve into balance-research and balance-journaling and balance-meditating so much that it’s, um, out of balance with the other work stuff I need to do. Dip into it gracefully.
To ask friends what balance feels like to them. Research and think about it some more.
And that’s it.
This is a big one. This is the big thing that needs to come into my life.
I need to make room for it. I need to spend time with it. I need to send it valentines and leave it fairy cookies by the back door.
Aaaaand, to check in on my last VPA: well, I was still talking about work and balance and figuring stuff out. I kind of did it. I took some notes. But not a lot. Or not enough. I need to go further, and hence this week’s Big Ask. I also asked about Travel Excitement and oh boy, did it ever show up, in the most inconvenient, ridiculous fashion. Tee hee! Be careful what you ask for, indeed.
Send me luck, friends. For my week and this big, big thing I’m asking for and still don’t fully understand. I’ll send you luck, too, and clarity and hugs and all that good stuff. Hope everyone’s week gets off to a good start tomorrow.