The power of the rally compels you

Two things happened this weekend!

My cortisone injection!

I did not die, and my pain decreased! Really, I could put twelve exclamation marks after that sentence (!!!!!!!!!!!!) and it still wouldn’t convey how awesome this truly was. If you know someone who experiences chronic pain, give them a hug. And then someday, maybe they will describe to you the day when it went away, even a little bit, and how awesome it was.

Havi announced her first Rally is happening, next week!

And I took the plunge and signed up. When I first got the email announcement about it, I got a lump in my throat because I was so excited and I knew immediately: this is something I’m supposed to do.

And yet various monsters showed up (surprise, surprise). Fear. Skepticism. Self-doubt,  the Great and Terrible Underminer. Suspicion. It was a big ol’ mess of loud voices saying DON’T DO THIS THING even though there was one great shining voice of beauty saying DO THIS THING BECAUSE IT WILL BE BEAUTIFUL.

I heard: Your project isn’t real. You can’t work on it at the Rally. But I also heard: But it wants to be nurtured! It can’t grow while it’s being ignored, and I want to be nurtured and have fun.

I heard: You don’t know what this Rally thing is all about, how can it possibly be good? But then I thought: It sounds like so much fun! And I want to practice letting the unknowns be good things, not just bad scary things.

I heard: You’re going to take three days off from your day job? For yourself? But my counter-thought was the same, only with less derision, more amazement and excitement: You’re going to take three days off from your day job. For yourself.

One of my tasks at the Rally will be to listen to that voice of amazement and wonder and creativity and flow. I will lure the monsters in with cookies and then I will sing them lullabies. I will get to visit the Playground! I won’t just be having fun with my thing, I’ll get to play around on the mental monkey bars with it, go for a swing and a gallop around the edges of it if I get confused or stuck. I will get this incredible chance to dedicate three days to my thing with the rest of the Rallyites (the Rally Cabal! the One True Order of the Rallions!) and see what it’s like.

This is like the writing retreat I wrote about wanting, not so long ago! Except it’s not a retreat. It’s a Rally! I’m going to go wave my flag, do my thing, take notes, and have a whole heap of fun.

Can’t. Wait.

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About jesse k.

Writer. Mama. Spy in the house of self-awareness. Occasional crafter, letterpress geek, and academic snob.
This entry was posted in Interview With A Mirror. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to The power of the rally compels you

  1. Elizabeth says:

    I am excited with you and for you! Enjoy the Playground and your time with your project!

  2. Elana says:

    You’re doing the right thing! It’ll be so good for you, in so many ways! I did it! You can read about my freaky nutty week prior to jumping on a train and going to Portland for 16 hours just to Shiva with Havi. If you want : ) So happy to hear you’re doing this for yourself. Hurrah!

  3. jesse k. says:

    Elana — thanks! Just went over to read about your crazy passport saga, wow 🙂 I am a spy in the house of shiva nata, never tried it but so very intrigued, and looking forward to trying it out at the Playground. Would love to read an update — how did it go for you?

  4. Pingback: On being open: when miraculous logistics intervene | my seed house

  5. liz says:

    I love this: “I want to practice letting the unknowns be good things, not just bad scary things.”

    So many times, I just assume that “the thing” is going to be a scary thing. Maybe they aren’t. I certainly hope they aren’t!

    I hope you’ll enjoy every single second and the rally. Wish I could go, too!

  6. jesse k. says:

    It’s so hard to be open when unknown things have also been scary in the past. But sometimes there are obvious clues, and sometimes their aren’t, and I assume the clues-to-scariness are there.

    Thanks for the comment and the well-wishes. I know many fellow friends will be at the Rally in spirit!

  7. jesse k. says:

    PS, I love your Elephant Manifesto!

  8. Pingback: Rally thoughts, Part One « my seed house

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