It’s true. I feel pretty good about it! And this week, Thursday is my Friday, so here is my one-day-early, end-of-the-week, holy-crap-being-productive-is-awesome-but-also-scary check in! (Also: welcome to the Pacific Northwest Sanctuary for Unloved Hyphens!)
Weird Monster Thing
TWICE this week I have allowed two parts of my online identity to cross-pollinate. Blog + Twitter (hi Twitter friends!). Until now, I hadn’t realized how rigidly separated I’ve been keeping the various bits of my online identity….mostly because my first reaction to cross-linking was: holy crap! It’s supposed to be a secret! Don’t cross the streams! Censor yourself!
Wow, who knew such vocal monsters would show up to this party? Isn’t it okay to talk about what I want to talk about? No! Nip it in the bud! (Shhh, monsters, seriously, trying to blog here!)
Yeah, still working on this one.
“Productivity” to me means active, engaging, creative exploration and use of my brain. I specifically wanted to apply this happy productive mojo to my job, except — surprise! Sometimes personal distractions are also happy and productive! And I follow them!
Five or ten (or eleventy) minutes later, I’m happy and engaged, but I get that nagging thought, but I’m not working on my work! Ack!
How do I keep out those distractions? Just because they are fun distractions (as opposed to the bad zombie distractions I used to indulge in) doesn’t mean I should let them pull me off-task.
Again, still thinking and processing about that one.
Two Good Things
First — this week I helped a good friend get through a rough time. We had one of those long, wandering conversations about it, but revelations and illuminations started happening when I helped her make a connection to the underlying pattern that linked it to other hard stuff and suddenly, wow, she knew what to do. She knew why this One Hard Thing was so hard. It was nice to help someone else calm the bad stuff down, and apply some of the pattern hunting skills I’ve been honing.
And it is even nicer to have a friend who completely gets the idea of recognizing patterns. Even if she’s 3,000 miles away. (But I get to see her get married this coming October and it is going to be superfun! Yay!)
Second — YOGA. The triumphant return! I said I would come back and check in after I faced the scariness and here I am and oh my word, so worth it. You guys, it made my heart and body so very glad. Gladful gladness all around, I want to make up new happy words I was so happy about it. I faced all the scary stuff, all my inflexible dysfunctional bits and my worry-prone brain and my not-perfect Yoga clothes and I focused on mindfulness (with a side of shaky muscles) for nearly an hour. A beautiful, golden hour.
When we got to the namaste at the end I had grateful, gladful tears in my eyes, and pressed my palms together, just staying with that good feeling. Oh my. I can’t wait for next week. Thank you self, and thank you monsters, for making this happen.
The past week and a half have been CRAZY DIFFERENT, and it is all because I decided to write down what I wanted to do and why it was freaking me out. And then, shockingly, I actually did the thing I wanted to do.
It’s like my brain exploded with rainbows! This, this, THIS is what productivity feels like. This is what it feels like to let go of procrastination. Ahhhh.
So what happened next? Well, work became really busy. Who knew, all that work was waiting around for attention? This is good (my brain is engaged and energized!) but suddenly it’s hard to eat lunch on time, or leave work on time (even with an unyielding Daycare Deadline looming) and I have so much actual work to do that I have to make a side list of personal stuff I needed to do. Maybe that sounds like a small thing, but under the previous regime of (tyrannical!) procrastination, any and every whim was honored, immediately, fully, sometimes joylessly. Personal emails? That one blog that updates 20 times a day? Real estate in that new part of town you’re obsessed with? Letterpress classes? Let’s spend unlimited time pursuing those ideas!
But I can’t do that anymore. Of course, I do still take unscheduled breaks to feed my craving for reflection, like when I took a brief time-out Wednesday morning to write up my Very Personal Ad No. 3. But what if someone hires me to edit their resume and I’m in the middle of something else? I’ll have to think about this.
It might sound elementary (and it is embarrassing to admit) but I don’t have a lot of experience being productive at work. Especially in no-deadline situations. So I knew getting over my procrastination would be awesome, but I hadn’t thought about the fact that doing work would crowd out the other stuff I’m used to accomplishing. This is a paradigm shift and I’m still wrapping my mind around it. I will have to find extra time in which to deal with my other stuff.
It’s embarrassing — I think most people are productive like this automatically — but most importantly, let’s not think of this as shameful but humbling. In the good way.
Hopefully some of the body-bendiness of Yoga will help my mind-bendiness in the coming weeks as I learn about letting personal-stuff and work-stuff get so cozy together. It feels something like a new power has been unleashed (productivity! Pow!) but I don’t quite know how to use it yet.